Why Comparing Your Life to Others Holds You Back

It’s 5 AM as I write this, and I’ve been thinking about something that affects all of us at some point: the desire to live someone else’s life. I’m referring to the feeling when you’re scrolling through social media, seeing people posting about their successes, and thinking “that should be me”.

But let’s break this feeling down to its core using First Principles Thinking - stripping away all assumptions and getting to the fundamental truths.

What’s really happening when we want someone else’s life? We’re making three critical mistakes:

1. We’re assuming their life would work for our unique context
2. We’re comparing our behind-the-scenes with their highlight reel
3. We’re letting external metrics define our internal worth

What is First Principles Thinking? It’s a mental model that force us to ask “why” until we hit the core truth. So let’s ask:

• why do you want that specific life?
• Is it because you genuinely desire those experiences, or because you’ve been told that’s what success looks like?

All these desires and wants are self-imposed. Achievements, looks, material possessions - none of these define your essence.

The beautiful paradox is that when you stop trying to be someone else, you become more yourself. It’s like Marcus Aurelius said: “Today I escaped all bothering circumstances - or rather, I threw them out.”

What would happen if you stripped away all the layers of “supposed to” and got down to your core desires? What if, instead of saying “I have to do this because that’s what successful people do,” you asked “What do I genuinely want to do with my time on this earth?”

First Principles Thinking helps you to go from: “I have to work this prestigious job” to “I get to spend my time doing what matters to me.” It could be that job. It could be something else.

So next time you feel that pull to want someone else’s life, pause. Strip it back to first principles. Ask yourself:

• What am I really seeking?
• What fundamental need am I trying to meet?
• And most importantly - is there a way to meet that need that’s authentically mine?

You’re not required to be anyone else. You get to be you. And that’s not just enough - it’s everything.