Why are you postponing your happiness, again?

“He who is not content with what he has, would not be content with what he would like to have.”

We often tell ourselves this story, this narrative that goes something like: “Once I get that promotion…” or “Once I make six figures…” or “Once I get that house…” - then I’ll be content, then I’ll be happy. But here’s the thing that Seneca understood so clearly: contentment isn’t something that arrives with achievements or possessions; it’s a way of relating to what we already have.

And you know this is true because you’ve experienced it yourself.

Think about something you wanted badly in the past - maybe it was a certain job, a car, or even a relationship. When you finally got it, how long did that satisfaction last?

Or, even worse: when you finally reached your goal, you felt… empty. Instead of joy, you’re hit by one of the worst identity crises. You built your entire sense of self around this one external achievement. Once it was gone, you don’t know who you are anymore.

It’s not you, it’s human. The Romans had a name for this - “post victoriam tristia” - the sadness that comes after victory. And it’s far more common than most people realize.

The price of pursuit

The problem with big dreams is that they often delay our happiness. We tell ourselves, “I’ll be happy when I achieve X,” but in doing so, we are postponing our happiness until we achieve some external milestone we can’t fully control.

The harder we chase these dreams, the more we risk losing touch with ourselves. It’s like swimming upstream, like a salmon in a world of tuna. You compromise your values, exhaust yourself, and, sometimes, you achieve the dream only to find it doesn’t make you happy.

Another issue with big dreams is time. They often take years or decades to accomplish. But life is fast-paced, and circumstances change. Maybe you no longer want what you once did. And that’s okay. It’s not a failure; it’s growth.

Consider what we do to achieve these wishes. In the pursuit of wealth, popularity, or status, we often:

• Associate with people we’d rather avoid
• Find ourselves in uncomfortable situations
• Make insincere compliments
• Compromise our morals
• Spend resources we can’t afford
• Sacrifice our authentic selves

Look at people who have exactly what you wish for. Look at those who have achieved exactly what you’re striving for. Are they fundamentally more content? Are they free from wanting more? Usually not. Because they’ve developed this habit of discontent, this pattern of always looking for the next thing, always feeling that what they have isn’t quite enough.

The Positive Side of Big Dreams

Yet big dreams serve a purpose. In fact, they can be a powerful force, especially in hard times.

For many of us, dreams act as a kind of compass. They help us escape difficult environments—whether it’s a tough neighborhood, an unhealthy family dynamic, or financial struggles. Big dreams can keep us going when life feels unbearable.

Think of them as the push force that gives you direction when everything feels chaotic. But there’s another force you need to balance it: yourself.

You should understand that while we’re wishing for something, we’re actually admitting a lack in our lives and postponing our happiness.

This is why we need to be careful what we wish for - not just because getting what we want might have unexpected downsides, but because the very act of constantly wishing, of being in this state of perpetual wanting, this constant discontent, it shapes us. It creates a pattern that doesn’t magically disappear once we get what we want.

Are you suggesting we should given up our dreams?

The key is to acknowledge the role of big dreams without letting them define you. Big dreams are a form of escapism—they’re not meant to be the source of your happiness. Instead, focus on the present moment. Recognize that the act of constant wishing itself can prevent us from living fully in the present moment and appreciating the opportunities for growth that exist in our current circumstances.

Instead of wishing your life away, consider:

• What opportunities exist in your current “disadvantages”?
• How can you use your present circumstances for growth?
• What virtues can you develop regardless of your situation?

The journey itself can be meaningful when we’re not solely focused on the destination.

For example, let’s say your dream is to become a New York Times bestselling author. That’s a big dream—and one you can’t directly control. Instead, focus solely on the journey of writing the book. Celebrate the small victories: overcoming writer’s block, finishing a chapter, creating a memorable character arc. Stay true to yourself. Help young writers. Look at the world and at the people with compassion.

When you focus on the process, the work itself becomes fulfilling. You might even forget about the big dream for a while, and when success comes, it becomes the cherry on top—not your entire sense of self-worth.

As Seneca wrote, “True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future.”

My Takeaway

Big dreams can inspire us, but they shouldn’t own us. They’re a tool, not a destination. Instead of chasing happiness in the future, find it in the small, meaningful steps you take today.

And you know what’s fascinating about this approach? It actually makes you more likely to achieve those big dreams, because you’re focused on what you can control, on what actually matters. As Epictetus said, “Don’t seek to have events happen as you wish, but wish them to happen as they do happen, and all will be well with you.”

This doesn’t mean giving up on your dreams. It means understanding that the dream isn’t the destination - it’s the fuel for your journey. As Marcus Aurelius reminded us, “The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”

So yes, keep that dream of the Oscar or the bestseller list. But hold it lightly. Let it inspire you, but don’t let it own you.

So, what’s one small step you can take toward your dream—right now?